she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
