That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
