if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
