Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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