I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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