shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Too much gin, very little bucket
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
