And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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