i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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