In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
