there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my shit smells like andre
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
