My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you would pick up someone in the library
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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