I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
