yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
