well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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