I am in a vortex of obligation.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
