please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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