so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
