i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
