just come out here and I will go home with you...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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