So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
