Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
