Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
