in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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