hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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