I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
