Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
