Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
