a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
