Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
