just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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