He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
