My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
