im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
