Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
