Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
