Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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