I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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