dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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