She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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