Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
