that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to cum in my sink.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
