shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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