One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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