yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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