i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So vagazzling was a success
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
