I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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