I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
