I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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