you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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