walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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