I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
