We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
