Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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